Hubris

I've started drinking tonight. I wonder if those are the only times I'll be so enthusiastic to talk that I'll blog. I'm watching Troy again and it is incredible. Way better than I remember it. I enjoy movies that mock religion, but it's more than that. The fight scene with Achilles and Hector is amazeballs. Brad Pitt plays the part of a fighter ready for every reaction of the opponent perfectly. He's just playing chess knowing he'll win in 15 moves.

There are so many great personalities thrown at the viewer so fast in the movie. Hector is the best character in the movie, but he dies. It's war so you see people at their extremes making pivotal choices. It's the same reason I love any apocalyptic theme like zombie or disaster movies. You see people's real personalities. What they boil down to.

I came to blog for a reason. I had some insight I felt worth sharing, but I've forgotten it. I think it was about pride. I almost start to say "I'm so lucky not to be prideful" but it's not luck. I saw the arrogance or the characters like King Agamemnon and felt lucky to not be so involved in myself that I can't admit defeat or mistakes. But I'm not the least bit prideful about such things. Pride is a sign of weakness. The prideful people are the ones who aren't sure of their value. They have to get defensive and boast because they don't like themselves and they're talking themselves into it.

I spent years hating myself around middle school. I think I never really changed that "you suck" mindset. I just learned to enjoy life despite the idea that I might not be great at anything. We're all putting ourselves in these categories to compare ourselves to others and any category isn't the ultimate. No matter what you do there's 6 or 7 billion people on earth and you're not the worst or best at anything. It's not even important. The winners are the happy people. If you get third and you're happier than the first place finisher, you won. Ever since I learned that I've had a great life. I just had to spend years hating myself to get there. The hatred killed the pride. It was worth it.